#Bonaire2Bahamas: A Caribbean Bachelorette

Happy 2016, everyone! While I have some fun New Years-y posts coming up, I thought we could start with something nice and easy while we nurse the last vestiges of our two-day hangovers. (What? That’s just me?) Something like a Caribbean bachelorette party. We’re all still in party mode after all, right?

Bride-to-be in Bonaire

When my girl Angie announced she was engaged, I was cheering. When she announced her wedding date, I was crushed — I’d be across the world in Thailand while she walked down the aisle in the Bahamas. It was the first wedding of a close friend that I’ve had to miss (which is not a bad track record considering my lifestyle) but it was still quite the blow. Regular readers will recognize Angie as a familiar face around Wanderland — together, we’ve explored Kauai, Miami, Orlando, and her hometown of Jacksonville, though considering how often we send each other emoji-laden iMessages, we might as well be neighbors. While I’d miss the big day, I knew I had to get involved where I could.

First, I volunteered to design Angie’s wedding invites, a project we both poured a lot of love and work into. I may have tested the limits of our friendship by forgetting that not everyone has an arsenal of Martha Stewart-branded crafting tools and four years of design-school-project-assemblage-experience and designing an intricate tri-fold, but what are weddings for if not to push the bride to the edge of sanity?

Once I got my crafting gears cranking, it was hard to slow them down. And that’s when it hit me: our upcoming Bonaire trip could double as a secret bachelorette party! A quick call to Kristin revealed she’d been similarly scheming — as Angie was forgoing a big wedding party and little sister was swamped with school, we wanted to make sure Angie had the fêting she deserved. (Our plans to get little sister Rachel to the island fell through, but never mind — she ended up throwing Angie a second Bachelorette a few months later, one I also got to be a part of. More on that in another post!) I soon found myself designing another set of invites…

Yup, we decided to throw the ultimate shark lover a fin-tastic, Jaws-themed Bonaire bachelorette! As our fourth muskateer and Bonaire insider Steph warned us that provisions were slim on the island, I arrived with a suitcase full of all kinds of goodies — invites, favors, mini-champagne bottles, and more, along with plans for a big ‘ol suprise our last night on the island. I was literally giddy all week anytime Angie mentioned anything to do with wedding planning blues — surprisingly she didn’t question why I was smiling like a wide-eyed crazy person while she was venting about her venue — because we were just so darn excited to hit her with a little bit of wedding planning bliss.

On the big night, Angie showed up at our scheduled meeting time, ready for dinner and a quiet night before an early flight. But instead of whisking away to a restaurant, we handed the bewildered bride-to-be an invitation to a party in her honor — right there, right then.

photos courtesy of Kristin

I may have gotten a tad over-enthusiastic with the favors. (My little sister Olivia, who routinely reminds me that she expects me to take a year off to help her plan her own hypothetical someday wedding, disagrees with that statement.) What can I say? A girl’s gotta craft. Travel is great and all, but sometimes I think true happiness is found at the bottom of a can of gold spray paint.

Angie has a well-documented shark infatuation, a fun theme to bounce off of. (Kristin rejected most of my Jaws related pun fun, but… I think in retrospect that might have been best for everyone.) Pinterest is bursting with ideas for bachelorette survival kits, but this might be the first shark bite survival kit I’ve ever seen handed out at a party.

*Want one for your own party? At Angie and Kristin’s urging, I put the templates up on Etsy for purchase. Get started making any week Shark Week here!

And what is a party without party hats? Nay, party hats bedazzled to look like baffled sharks? Throw in some handmade photo-prop signs and a custom hashtag and you’ve got yourself a blogger bachelorette.

Angie is not a woman that surprises easily, and there were many times throughout the week that I thought she must have been onto us — or worse, was not in the mood for any kind of festivities (it was the last night of a pretty exhausting week, after all.) But the look on her face when she realized what was going on, and her squeals of excitement as she absorbed every detail told me we’d had nothing to worry about.

Eventually, we did make our way to dinner. Our outdoor table at At Sea was perfect for continuing our celebrations. After a fabulous meal our waitress brought over shots of locally-made Cadushy liquor to toast with, and toast we did.

Afterwards, we hit the town! Or, well, more like “hit the one street that’s lively one night of the week,” when it comes to Bonaire. Little Havana’s on a Friday night is pretty much as lively as this island’s tiny nightlife scene gets — but it was perfect for us. With our ridiculous get-ups and funny signs, we certainly attracted a lot of attention.

However, we quickly realized that much of it was just plain confusion. Apparently, bachelorette parties aren’t very common in Bonaire. “Is it your birthday?” we were asked, over and over again. When we replied that no, Angie was getting married, that only led to further head scratching. Eyeing her veil, more than one suspicious bystander asked where her new husband was. We were pretty much local celebrities.

Considering a primary goal of all bachelorette parties is to embarrass the bride, I felt we could certainly say mission accomplished.

Once we’d felt satisfied that we’d brought the wonderful tradition of bachelorette parties to the good people of Bonaire, we hit the dance floor. Us, and all our sharks.

Angie just had the worst time

While we were having a grand time at Havana’s, we eventually came to the conclusion that the DJ was simply not playing enough Britney Spears for any of our likings. So we wandered across the street into what can only be described as a completely empty biker bar staffed by a few men wearing leather vests and jackets, and requested a playlist helmed by the princess of pop. Moments later, “Crazy” poured from the speakers, and the four of us filled the empty dance floor.

It wasn’t long until one of our hosts was inspired to put on a little show of his own. Finally, someone who understood what bachelorette parties are all about!

Things started to get a little silly.

Eventually, with our flight to Aruba boarding in mere hours, it was time to call it a night. The problem with partying on a small Caribbean isle is the number of cabs can be in the single digits. When our new friends behind the bar realized that we’d be stranded for ages waiting for one, one of the leather-clad gentlemen insisted on bringing us himself. As he cleared his work briefcase off the seats of his minivan (true story), he and Steph bonded over mutual Bonaire friends. A ride home from a biker with a backup minivan, who owns a honky tonk bar willing to play non-stop Britney Spears. It was the perfect bizarre ending to a perfect bachelorette night.

Angie is a kindred spirit in not just travel and blogging and I treasure our friendship. I’m sad to report that the Bahamas half of the #Bonaire2Bahamas hashtag was frankly a disaster — I don’t think I’ve ever read such an infuriating wedding story in my life. (And I’d have lost my patience well before Angie did at the number of well-meaning “at least you’re married!” comments she received. Yeah, she could have achieved that at the courthouse and saved herself thousands of dollars and months of planning that she can never get back.) My hard-working friend did not deserve the swindling she received from her wedding venue.

Knowing how that turned out, I’m even more grateful we were able to create a really happy wedding moment (along with, ya know, marrying the love of her life, or whatever). And if she ever decides to go for the whole vow renewal do-over thing, I know the perfect venue. The dress code is leather, and Britney’s on the playlist.

What do you think of destination bachelorettes? Clearly, I give them two fins up!